


Hold my vodka, I’m gonna go bang the devil

by Tired_Introvert



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bad Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Dom MC, Frottage, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MC is Chaotic Dumbass, Male Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Minor Interpersonal Violence, Minor Spoilers for Lesson 10H, Named Main Character, POV First Person, Self-Esteem Issues, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, even worse humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tired_Introvert/pseuds/Tired_Introvert
Summary: MC attempts to emotionally support Lucifer while also trying to get in his pants.Alternatively: Let me gently dominate this man. He deserves to feel loved and cared for... If he'll let me.
Relationships: Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 102
Kudos: 529





	1. The Vice of Perfectionism

**Author's Note:**

> Any character who says, “I always feel a little antsy until you show up,” isn’t 100% a top. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. Actually fuck it, yes I do! I do make the rules. I’m the captain now!  
> *cracks knuckles*  
> Whelp, I hope you guys have low standards.

I turned over the notecard in my hand, reading the hastily written scrawl, “perfectly flawless but malicious sadist.”  
I traced the words thoughtfully with my finger, wondering if my initial perceptions were truly accurate. I’d never been one to mince words and I pride myself on being honest, but the letters before me seemed to ring hollow, or at least incomplete. He was a Sadist. I knew that when I saw the perverse smirk he fixed me when we first met, like I was an intriguing new toy for him to experiment on and possibly break. What I’m sure he hadn’t expected, was for my thoughts to run in an all too similar vein.  
“Mother may I flirt with danger?”  
HA. More like,  
“Hold my drink, I'm going to go bang the morningstar.”  
Could he kill me with a flick of his wings, sure. Did I care? Well yea, of course I did. Having someone with that kind of power willingly submit himself to me was a huge ego boost. But more importantly: I don’t think he ever has the chance to be vulnerable. He never shares his concerns or burdens with others, but he takes on the problems of his brothers and tries to solve them by himself. And then, he treats his duties to Diavolo like his life depends on them, viewing any perceived imperfection as a personal failing.

It’s… sad. And unfortunately something I recognize. I know all too well that ‘perfect’ is an unattainable goal, and will only lead to self-doubt and self-loathing. No matter what you do it’s never good enough, you’re never strong enough, you’re never clever enough, and you only ever end up feeling like you didn’t try hard enough.

I know that dead-eyed, exhausted stare he has when he thinks nobody is watching all too well. He doesn’t feel safe, so he tries to control everything. Nobody can hurt him if he is above reproach. Nobody can hurt him if he distances himself from his brothers and his employer. Nobody can hurt him if he doesn’t care. But that’s no way to live.  
I want to help. I mean, I also want to tie him to the bed and fuck his brains out. But I want to help him be happy. He deserves that much, everyone does.

I sighed, before placing the notecard back on top of the stack on my dresser. I had to get my priorities straight. Did I want to bang the eldest demon brother or did I want to be his friend and emotionally support him? Could I do both? Both ideas were asinine, completely idiotic, fanciful, and every other synonym for dumb. And yet here I was, reaching again for the offending notecard. I took my pen and scratched out my previous note. The time of reflection was over; now it was time to experiment.


	2. The Fairest One

Karasu Chat: Lucifer & Charis 

[Charis]: Hey, I found this really beautiful piece of art that I think you might like. 

[Charis]: Are you in your room? I’d like to come over and show you.

[Lucifer]: The door is unlocked.

Well, that’s really fucking helpful hun, I thought to myself as I strolled down the hallway. This was either a brilliant or horrible idea, probably both if I’m being honest. But fortune favors the bold, right? I tapped the edges of the frame thoughtfully. 

Besides, I couldn’t wait to see the look on Lucifer’s face. 

I finally arrived at Lucifer’s room, standing outside the door and contemplating my next move. I could walk in, but I didn’t particularly want to be in his domain if this idea went sour. Instead, I knocked, a quick double-tap before taking a step back. I heard a muffled “it’s open” from within the room but I hesitated. No, I'm doing this on my terms. I knocked again, this time slightly more insistent. I waited for a beat, preparing to knock a third time before I heard a shuffling sound coming toward the door. It creaked open halfway, revealing the eldest brother staring down at me with an unreadable expression. He only had maybe an inch or two on me, so his glowering didn’t have the same effect on me as it did his brothers. Also, unlike them, I wasn’t scared of him.

“Did you want to see?” I asked, smiling as innocently as I could. Lucifer paused eyeing me wearily before replying,

“Sure.” In the most deadpan fashion, I had ever heard. His tone read as uninterested, but there was a hint of warning, a promise of reprisal if I was wasting his time. 

“It truly is the most stunning thing I’ve seen,” I said locking eyes with him as I pulled the object from behind my back. I tried to aim it at his face but I’m sure he got my point anyway. 

I couldn’t tell you what my own expression was, probably either mischievous or smug, but I watched the entire emotional spectrum flash across Lucifer’s face in less than a second. Surprise. Then embarrassment. Frustration. Anger. And back to his normal haute, unamused expression. His eyes met mine as either a threat or a question before he took a step back and forcefully closed the door. It didn’t slam. But the interaction was obviously over.

I sighed. I wouldn’t consider this a complete failure as I wasn’t dead and in a million little pieces on the rug. But I couldn’t count this as a success either... I would have to try something different next time.

Karasu Chat: 👁 The Demon Brothers (6) 

[Asmodeus]: Does anyone know why Charis was sneaking around, carrying around a mirror last night? I know some humans like to 'borrow' things, but he if he needed one so badly he could have shared mine <3

[Mammon]: You ever think there’s a reason he doesn’t go to you for help?

[Mammon]: We should save up to buy a mirror for him.

[Mammon]: Well you guys should.

[Satan]: Why was he carrying it around the house anyway?

_Lucifer has left the group._

[Mammon]: What was that about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely sure where this is gonna go (other than to hell in a handbasket) so buckle up for the ride.  
> I’m also not nearly as confident and self-assured as my narrator, so if you liked this please let me know. And thank you so much for reading. I know this isn't my most polished work, but its quickly becoming my most enjoyable to write.


	3. Those who live in glass houses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Experiment One was unsuccessful. Charis takes stock of what he knows and tries again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charis’ alignment is chaotic dumbass. Writer’s alignment is lawful migraine.

The next day was fortunately uneventful. Lucifer didn’t bring up my mirror trick and I didn’t act like a lovestruck therapist with low morals. It was shaping up to be a wonderful, delightfully boring day. Something was bound to catch on fire. If nothing did, I would just have to start one.

I went over different flirting methods in my head: Compliment him. Tell him he’s wonderful. Imply you would like to be alone with him. But how? Everyone knows it’s not what you say, but how you say it. I may not know _what_ to do, but I knew what not to do. 

I knew that any seduction attempts would have to take place when he and I were alone. His pride would force him to hide his embarrassment or otherwise save face if he had an audience. 

I also knew I shouldn’t interrupt him when he’s busy working. He would argue that he is always busy, but there is a difference between staring at a page and actively writing on it. 

The last aspect I knew about, was that I should avoid him in the mornings. He repeatedly mentioned that he is not a morning demon. And he gives me or anyone else he comes upon a half-growl if we are to chipper with him when he first wakes up. I get that. I’m not a morning person myself, and I rarely am awake before 1 PM unless I have a class. So that wouldn’t be an issue.

Subtlety was never something I was good at. My idea of a good flirt was something direct. Something that explicitly stated what you wanted from the other person without forcing them to guess if that compliment was platonic or romantic. That was part of my failure in experiment one; I was too vague. 

With that in mind let’s begin experiment two.

It was close to 11 PM when I snuck out of my room. I made sure the halls were clear as I crept down the stairs and out the front door. My feet crunched on the gravel path as I made my way to the side of the house and began counting windows. One… two… three… four… there! He always had blackout curtains covering it, but given the floor plan, this one had to belong to Lucifer’s room. I knelt down, picking up a small stone about half an inch in length and threw it at the window. I would like to tell you that it hit the window dead on, making a noise just audible enough for someone inside to hear. I um… well, I actually hit the gutter, sending a loud reverberating crack across the entire house. The stone itself bounced off the ringing metal and hit one of the statues in the garden who may or may not be missing a nose. It was probably missing before. I really hope it was. I can always blame Mammon if anyone questions it. 

I waited about 20 minutes before attempting the throw again. This time I actually did hit the window and the stone made a satisfying tap as it made contact with the glass. I suspected I would have to throw several to get his attention so about every 30 seconds I tossed a pebble at the window until finally, I saw the curtains move and watched as a perturbed looking Lucifer raised the windowpane with a glare,

“Are you trying to break my window.” He growled down at me.

“No. If you had opened it sooner I would have thrown fewer rocks at it.” I replied incredulously.

He closed his eyes, letting out a long, frustrated sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose,

“What do you want?” He asked coldly, glaring daggers into my skull.

“I want—“ 

“And why didn’t you just call me?” He interpreted crossing his arms. I paused for a second, debating how much I wanted to avoid dying vs how much I wanted to get laid. I pulled out my phone, tapped it a couple of times, and held it up to my ear. We locked eyes, him daring me to continue, and me daring him to stop me. His phone began ringing from inside his room but he ignored it in favor of maintaining our staring contest. The ringing continued for about a minute until my phone informed me that I had reached the voicemail of Lucifer and that I should leave a brief message. I grinned wickedly, still maintaining eye contact as I began,

“Hello, Lucifer? It’s Charis. Sometime, when you’re free, I would like to buy you dinner. Preferably something fancy so I can show you off, and watch the faces of the gaudily dressed patrons as they realize they could never be half as enrapturing as you. While we are there, I would love to shower you with compliments about your manners, physical appearance, emotional strength, and poise in all situations. After eating I would walk you to your room and enjoy some… desert. Please let me know when you’re available. Thanks.” 

I hung up, looking away for a moment as I put my phone back in my pocket. When I glanced back Lucifer was looking down with a hint of a blush covering his cheeks. His eyes, however, were near murderous. They flashed back to me and I swear they were a deeper, bloodier shade of red than I had ever seen them before,

“I don’t appreciate being toyed with human,” Lucifer growled as darkened shadows seemed to gather around his form,

“You’re acting like Asmodeus.” He accused as I watched the hints of horns appear around his head.

“No,” I said backing up slowly, before remembering that the last thing I wanted to do was to show him fear.

“No,” I repeated, standing firm more confident this time, 

“Asmo acts like this for everyone. I only act like this for _you_.”

The churning shadows around Lucifer stopped and that blush came back in force. He still looked like he wanted to rip my head off though. I was pushing my luck. I needed to leave soon. 

“I thought I heard your phone ringing,” I said nonchalantly, “You might want to go see if they left a message.” I finished with a wink before turning on my heel and forcing myself to calmly walk back into the house.

Karasu Chat: 👁 Satan & Leviathan 

[Leviathan]: Remember when you asked me to clone Lucifer’s D.D.D?

[Leviathan]: You aren’t going to believe the voicemail he just got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me for this. As I come up with new ideas I will post more. And thank you so much for reading.


	4. So He’s a Bit of a Fixer Upper🎵

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a wild guess what song I was listening to as I wrote these two chapters.

Something is off. Lucifer is avoiding me, which to be fair, after last night that’s to be expected. But the other brothers seem to be acting strangely. They aren't acting cruelly, or like they are mad at me, but something isn't right.

Early this morning, and I mean like 5 AM early, Beel walked into my room and insisted on showing me how everyone likes their coffee. I nearly jumped so high my head hit the ceiling when I woke up to see his lumbering form blocking the window. He seemed genuinely sorry for startling me and asked me again if I wanted to learn how to make coffee. I told him I would prefer to sleep and turned away from him, pulling the covers over my head. I thought that would get him to leave, but instead, he picked me up, bedsheets and all, and carried me to the kitchen. I was then, half asleep, forced to watch him select different bags of ground up coffee beans as he talked to me about who preferred what flavor, and how much sugar or cream to add to each drink. I’m sure he was trying to be helpful, but I don’t remember anything he told me. I don’t drink coffee and I’m not functional before at least noon. By the time he was done he had made 7 different cups of coffee and drank all of them but one, which he handed to me.

“Thanks.” I said groggily, watching the pitch-colored liquid swirl around the mug. It would be rude not to drink it, especially since he went to the trouble of saving it for me. But I really hate the taste of coffee, and this blend looked as dark and unadulterated as my sense of humor. I stared at the black liquid before sighing, giving Beel a half-smile as I brought the cup to my lips. 

“Huh? That... wasn't for you.” Beel commented, watching me with a confused expression. I brought the cup back down, about to ask him who it was for, when I heard a voice cutting across the room.

“Ohhhh Beel, there you are! And Charis! What a wonderful surprise~” A chipper Asmo called from the doorway. Beel turned to look at his older sibling and I took the opportunity to scan the room for a plant or something I could pour the drink into.

“Charis,” Asmo continued, sauntering up to me before I could fertilize the nearby Staghorn Fern, “You and I are going shopping today!” He announced excitedly, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. 

“Wait. I’m not dressed.” I huffed, yanking my arm away and pulling my bedsheets further over myself. 

“You… oh~” Asmo’s eyes lit up as he stared at me, “Feeling _adventurous_ my dear?” He purred as he took another step into my personal space.

“Not particularly.” I replied, setting the coffee on the counter, “I wasn't exactly planning to leave my room until after I had gotten dressed.”

“Do you sleep au naturel? Oh, and what would you do if I pulled these sheets off of you?” Asmo hummed as he grabbed the corner of my bedsheets, tugging them lightly. 

“I don't sleep naked.” I sighed. Well, I normally don't. Most of the time I wear boxers, but occasionally I sleep nude. Not for any sort of sexual reason, and more because I’m from Florida, and it gets hot there. 

“Are you sure?” Asmo giggled pulling on the sheet causing it to fall off my shoulders. I quickly grabbed the remaining material, holding it against my waist as I glared at the avatar of lust. 

I had worn underwear to bed last night and absolutely did _not_ discard them in favor of... doing things… with myself. I was absolutely wearing boxers right now. Totally. Nobody can prove otherwise. The sheets slipped to my hips and I began to white-knuckle the remaining fabric. 

“C’mon Asmo, leave him alone.” Beel chided calmly. I had actually forgotten that he was there. And for a second I had forgotten that it was his fault that I was in this situation. 

“Beel can you carry me back to my room?” I asked, my gaze still fixed on Asmo.

“Sure.” He said as he walked over and slung me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing. I almost sighed with relief until I felt the sheet pull taut.

“I’m not letting go of this until you agree to go shopping with me today.” Asmodeus warned with a coy, almost innocent expression. 

“Fine…” I mumbled, holding onto Beel’s back as he began down the hallway.

“Yay!!! Oh, we’re going to have so much fun! I’ll make sure you look almost as cute as me~” Asmo cheered playfully as he ‘accidentally’ stepped on the sheet flowing behind me, causing it to fall to the point it barely covered my ass.

“Wait, no! We aren't shopping for me.”

“Of course we are, love.” 

“No, we-” I paused, feeling Beel stop moving and turn to look to the side. I followed his gaze across the hallway to see none other than Lucifer, in all his posh, formal glory staring at us with a look between horror and embarrassment. 

What a sight we must have been; Beel carrying me, slung over his shoulder like some B-movie bride with a wardrobe malfunction, as I yelled at the avatar of lust. This could probably not look any worse.

We all stood there silently for at least 20 seconds, just staring at each other. There was absolutely nothing I could do to save face. My brain froze as I felt my cheeks burn.

“Your fly is down!” I shouted, not really thinking and more just reacting on instinct. Lucifer blinked in surprise before looking down. I kneed Beel in the ribs, silently hoping he would get the memo. He thankfully did, and began briskly walking toward my room. 

Karasu Chat: 👁 Operation Wingmen (5) 

[Satan]: What were you two thinking?!

[Leviathan]: Clearly they weren’t Lolz

[Asmodeus]: How were we supposed to know Lucifer would be awake this early!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, btw I have a Tumblr and Discord: Runemori#7202. Please feel free to yell in my general direction.


	5. So He’s a Bit of a Fixer Upper 🎵 pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember children to groom your insanity daily. Show your insanity you love and cherish it. A healthy insanity makes anyone a better, well-rounded person. Drink water and take care of yourself!

Shopping with Asmodeus can either be a wonderful, incredibly validating experience or it can be an exhausting slogfest taking up the entire day. Despite the fact that I was threatened into going, this was shaping up to be closer to the former.

The first place he dragged me was this high-end suit store, which I thought was surprising since neither of us wore a suit very often. I owned a couple but I had left them in the human world for the year. They weren’t really my style, so I only wore them when the occasion demanded it. Asmo picked out several for me to try, all classy, black, and way too expensive. I told him as much and he brushed me off, telling me that today was his treat. 

After going to several stores we finally found a simple black suit that fit perfectly and looked pretty good. I certainly felt classy looking at myself in the three-way mirror. Asmo seemed torn about it,

“It’s too simple for me... But it’s not for me.” he had commented when I walked out of the dressing room. I had meant to ask him about that, but I had another concern I wanted to ask about first,

“Why are we going suit shopping? Do you know something I don’t.” I asked as I pulled the sleeves down and smoothed the sides of the jacket. 

“Hm?” Asmo hummed, looking up at me with big eyes full of false innocence.

“Neither of us wear this stuff often. It’s not either of our styles.” I added, turning to face my shopping companion.

“Hmmm, you look so good in this suit. I just want to take it off~” 

“How about you don’t.” I replied before shuffling back to the dressing room to change. Sometimes I wonder if he flirts to avoid conversations he doesn’t want to have.

We ended up buying the suit and after a short deliberation, returned to the House of Lamentation. I needed a nap after the day I had, and it wasn’t even dinner time yet. No sooner had I face planted on the bed than my DDD pinged. In the human world I would have ignored the notification and continued resting. But after making the mistake of ignoring one too many texts I had the whole household burst into my room and ask me if I was sick or upset. Mammon was crying wondering why I hated him and Levi looked like he wanted to light me on fire because I hadn’t accepted his friend request in Mononoke Land. Needless to say, It was an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. 

With that in mind, I got out of bed and picked up my phone tapping the chat notification.

Karasu Chat: Leviathan & Charis

[Leviathan]: Come to my room.

[Leviathan]: I want to get your normie opinion on a game.

[Charis]: Now?

[Leviathan]: Obviously. The password is, “The Lord of Shadows on a cold moonless night.”

“Henry! On a warm sunny day.” I shouted through the door before knocking. I thought I heard a muffled yep so clearly I startled him.

“That… that’s the exact opposite of the password.” I heard Leviathan mumble.

“I know.” I replied waiting in the hallway to see if he would open the door anyway. It creaked open just enough to see Leviathan’s frustrated face staring back at me.

“Even when the Lord of Shadows walked the lands on a cold moonless night, his heart, full of adoration for his companion, kept him warm and safe, hand in hand with Henry, his dearest friend.” I said smiling at the now surprised eyes holding the door ajar.

“That isn’t a quote from the show or manga.” Leviathan sighed before pushing his door enough to let me in,

“It sounds like something from a bad fanfic.” He continued, shutting the door behind me.

“C’mon, who reads bad fanfiction?” I chuckled as I leaned up against the wall. 

Levi stared off into space for a few seconds before turning to look at me, his expression serious,

“Do you remember that dating sim we played?” He asked, taking a step towards me.

“How could I forget. You forced me to play a girl.” I complained crossing my arms as I wondered where this was going.

“That’s not important—“

“And you made me wear a skirt! Do you know how much those things ride up? I spent half my time trying to make sure my ass wasn’t hanging out. And don’t get me started on sitting down with those things.”

“I wanted to talk strategy with you.” Leviathan cut in. 

“It is kinda cool when they do that floofy spin though. Like when you twirl and it floats around. I felt so pretty and light—” 

“Charis!”

“What?”

“This is serious.”

“Why?”

“Because… because it just is, ok?” Levi sighed looking up at me with a pleasing expression.

“Of course,” I frowned walking over and putting and hand on his shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

“What?! Nothing it’s just—“ he flinched away seeming to have a hard time finding words.

“You wanted help with a new dating sim,” I suggested, “And my normie opinion may help you come up with new strategies.” I smiled, trying to seem reassuring and unthreatening.

“Yeah…” he hesitated, seeming to weigh his thoughts.

“So how can I help?” I asked grabbing a chair from across the room and setting it down next to his desk. Levi took the cue and sat down across from me in his gaming chair.

“Well,” he began, “when we were in the dating sim we all worked together on our strategies to get our intimacy up with you.”

“Hmm.” I hummed thoughtfully, nodding.

“Everyone came up with different ideas, from showing a different side of ourselves to making food for you.” Levi paused letting out a forced-sounding laugh, “Lucifer even suggested using the kabedon move on you.” 

“What’s kabedon?” I asked cocking my head.

“It’s um,” Levi hesitated, as I watched the hint of a blush rise to his cheeks, “It’s when someone slams their arm against a wall to um… Well, they bracket someone between their arms and force them against a wall.”

“Oh! I think I’ve seen images of that online,” I replied, “It’s like an anime thing, right?” 

Levi nodded,

“So… so what do you think.” He asked, giving me a winning smile that did not reach his eyes.

“Well,” I said thoughtfully, “I’m not sure you could pull it off Levi. It doesn’t seem to match your personality.” I sighed, “Besides, I’m of the opinion that people play those games, flirt with people in the way that they think flirting works.” 

I glanced over at Levi and saw that he wasn’t following,

“What I mean is: people flirt with others in the way that they want to be flirted with. They use what they know, and what they would like.” I continued, “And developers know that. My advice would be to treat your pixel date as you would want to be treated. And if you’re compatible, then you should gain intimacy.”

I’m actually really glad I talked with Levi today. In the process of helping him with his new game, I think I came up with a new idea for experiment 3. 

Karasu Chat: 👁 Operation Wingmen (5) 

[Satan]: Please don’t tell me Charis now thinks it’s a good idea to kabedon Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, double update. Thank you so much for reading as always. And thank you, all of you who commented for your kind words! It truly means a lot to me. I'm new to writing humor so all your words of encouragement mean more than you know.


	6. Heart to Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I have to step in and save Charis from himself. I’m 100% sure Luci would kill him if he tried to kabedon him, at least at this point in their relationship. I should clarify that that doesn't mean I’ve given up on Charis doing it, but not this next chapter.

Karasu Chat: 👁 Operation Wingmen (5) 

[Satan]: Charis already makes bad decisions. What kind of choices do you think he will make sleep-deprived?

[Belphegor]: At least I’ll be able to get him and Lucifer alone in a room.

[Belphegor]: Now if Charis happens to take an unfortunate tumble out the window

[Belphegor]: Then so be it

I always secretly loved the House of Lamentation at night. There was something about having my space, home, bubble, territory—whatever term you want to use—all to myself. Obviously, I knew the brothers wear close by in their rooms, but walking the halls alone at night was a strangely peaceful experience. There wasn’t anyone I had to impress, anyone I had to comfort, anyone I had to advise, just me, alone with my thoughts. 

I made my way through the winding corridors down to the common room, hoping to find it empty. I had this unsettling feeling in my room and I was having trouble sleeping. Every time I almost fell asleep I was jolted back awake for no apparent reason. I hoped a change in venue would relax me and the common room just gave off a good vibe. 

When I arrived, I quickly scanned the room, finding it thankfully empty. I strolled over to one of the surprisingly comfy couches and plopped down before pulling out my phone. No missed calls. No new messages. Nobody would bother me until morning. Well, that’s what I thought at least. I must have dozed off for a couple of minutes because when I came to, there was a dark figure standing in the doorway staring down at me.

“Shit!” I yelped as I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, backing myself into the fluffy cushions. Finally, my eyes focused and I realized that this figure wasn’t a vengeful spirit, but instead, a very amused demon,

“How very manly.” Lucifer quipped, crossing his arms with a smug expression.

“Hey fuck your gender norms; you scared the shit out of me.” I shot back, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm my racing heart. I did not need that kind of shock to my system while trying to relax. It was around that time that I realized I had a bigger problem: Lucifer was leaning against the frame of the only door into the room. If I needed to get away from him quickly I wouldn’t be able to. 

“Feeling cornered?” He teased seeming to sense my fear.

“No,” I lied as I scanned the room. There was only one obvious entrance, but if my time here has taught me anything, it was to quickly pro-con situations and think outside the box, 

“I’ll just jump out the window.” I replied indifferently.

“You…” Lucifer paused, seeming to weigh my response.

“Yep. You would have to pay to fix it and explain to Lord Diavolo why the human in your care felt the need to jump out the window in the first place. I’d call that an unqualified win.” I explained, stretching out my legs as I assumed a posture much more relaxed than I felt. I knew I was on thin ice, and the danger of my situation did not elude me. 

“So what brings you here at this time of night?” I questioned with a smirk, but still genuinely curious.

Lucifer scoffed shaking his head and glaring at me, 

“Why are _you_ acting so strangely?” He shot back, his cool composure slipping for just a second as he ignored my question. 

“This past week?” I paused, “I’ve been trying to flirt with you.” 

“Why?”

I sighed, answering truthfully without really thinking,

“Why not?”

I glanced over and I swear he looked like he wanted to kill me. Like I had just told him I accidentally died his white suit, pink in the wash.

“No, I’m serious,” I tried to explain, wracking my brain for the right one-liner or a simple explanation, 

“I’m not just hitting on you because I’m bored or have nothing better to do,” I began, “You’re fucking fascinating and stunning. The way you carry yourself if so graceful and polished. But I can see the cracks. I can see how hard it is. I know how impossible it is to chase perfection—”

“Impossible for you, human.” He spat the last word like it was poison but I stood my ground,

“And what is your pursuit doing to your sanity? Your relationships? You aren’t happy.”

“I don’t need to be happy! My happiness is meaningless!” Lucifer snapped as shadows began to curl around his form,

“You know nothing. You have no right to tell me how I should feel, or what I should want! You. Are. Nothing.”

The words hurt. Stung like a knife through my chest. I had expected them, I knew he would lash out. But hearing the words still made my heart ache.

“I know. You’re right.” I whispered, “You could squash me like the bug that I am. Simple pest eradication…” I paused, a sad smile growing on my face, “I have no right to tell you how you should feel. And I can’t possibly know the pain you've gone through over the years, and are still going through.” I looked down slowly shaking my head,

“I’m not doubting your abilities. Far from it. I know being the best at everything is…” I hesitated, trying to find the right word. “You don’t get the credit you deserve. You don’t get the love you deserve. And while that might not matter to you, it matters to me,” I concluded, finally looking up at Lucifer.

The angry shadows had faded away and his eyes were back to their regular deep maroon. He looked, frozen, somewhere between shocked and shaken. There were the cracks. Those beautiful fractures in his perfect facade that made him unique and exquisite. Vulnerable. 

“My words aren’t empty,” I continued, standing before cautiously walking over to Lucifer like he was a cornered animal, “I meant everything I said. You know me, I’m not one to lie.” I said, taking a step closer, “I want to help. I want to help shoulder some of your burdens, if you’ll let me.” We were within arms reach, each just staring at each other, waiting for the other to laugh in our face, yell that we were being ridiculous and never to speak of this again. But the harsh words never came.

I took a final, hesitant step forward, our eyes locked in a shared cocktail of wariness. I gingerly raised my hand before letting it lightly rest on his upper arm. I held it there watching his face for any sign of the anger I had seen before. 

“I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m weak,” he huffed, his words abrasive but lacking any real bite.

“I’m not treating you like you’re weak,” I promised as I raised my other hand to brush the strands of hair out of his face, “I’m treating you like you’re precious. Because you are.” 

I let my hand fall to cup his cheek and I felt my heart swell as I saw him subconsciously leaned into it. 

“So precious…” I whispered as I began slowly stroking his cheek with my thumb. I then had a strange urge. I stood on my tiptoes as I leaned forward resting my forehead against his own. I closed my eyes as I let myself relax into him, just sharing the same space. Breathing the same air. I felt an arm brush against my lower back, almost hesitant before a second held my shoulder and pulled me against him. In that moment, I could have sworn I felt our heartbeats sync. It felt nice. Comfortable. I would have probably held onto him like that for the next hour if we hadn’t been interrupted by an ear-splitting scream permeating throughout the house. 

We flinched away from each other, both in high alert as we locked eyes and then glanced into the hallway.

“Stay here,” he ordered, his voice commanding and incontrovertible.

“Screw that!” I growled, slipping past him and into the hallway,

“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled, cupping my hands around my mouth like a megaphone, as my voice echoed through the hallway.

I glanced over at Lucifer who was staring at me with a look somewhere between impressed and depressed.

I sighed, shaking my head slowly as I silently walked back to my room. I would have loved to go back to the position we were in a minute ago, but the moment had passed. Besides, it might not be a bad idea to take the rest of the night and collect our thoughts. I wasn’t sure how he was doing. I wasn’t sure how _I_ was doing. But there were two things I knew for certain. One: I would find that cockblocking ghost and beat the shit out of it. And two: I loved that beautiful, emotionally stunted, perfectly imperfect demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, in the next couple chapters I have a decision to make and I want your input.  
> I’m debating if I should write smut or cut to black. I was initially planning on writing it, but this story has turned into a strange comedy that I hadn’t planned, and I worry that it may take away from the story as a whole. I should clarify that I have no problem writing erotic stuff, but just because you can, doesn't mean you should, and it may end up in a rating change from M to E. Please let me know what you guys think. I want to get your opinion on this as the story moves forward.  
> Thank you so much for reading! All your wonderful kudos and comments keep me motivated to continue this slow-motion trainwreck. They mean so much, and thank you for sticking with me.


	7. fuck you and your coaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter got… angsty. Please, note the new tags. I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable or blindsided.

I’m going a little stir crazy… Ok, no, that's an understatement. I’m going a lot stir crazy. It has been 3 days since that night, and the two of us haven't said a word to each other. I want to give Lucifer space so he can figure out what he’s going to do, and I don’t want to put any more pressure on him than he already puts on himself. But that doesn’t mean I’m not jumping out of my skin. 

Different people are wired differently. I get that. The way I want to handle this situation is very different from how he would prefer to handle it. I can’t just run up to his room, break the door down, and ask him how he’s doing. As much as I want to… I absolutely cannot… I shouldn’t… there has to be a better... I… fuck it.

“Luci!” I yelled as I banged on the door, “It’s me, we need to fucking talk.”

This time instead of a mirror, I brought a mug of coffee and a couple of BLT sandwiches. I vaguely remembered Beel explaining that Luci liked his coffee black which, given his personality, was pretty obvious. The sandwiches we’re kinda an afterthought, but if he was still awake doing paperwork I doubted he would mind. After all, the fastest way to a man’s heart may be between the fourth and fifth ribs, but I wanted him to actually enjoy this process.

I was just about to slam the door with my shoulder when I heard the lock click and watched it open about a foot.

“Hey,” I said with the most winning smile I could muster. Lucifer looked down at me with tired eyes. I could have sworn I saw dark rings underneath them, like he hadn’t been sleeping. He still appeared to be wearing his casual clothes which meant that I was right in my assumption that he hadn’t gone to bed yet, despite the hour.

“I brought you some caffeine,” I said, holding up the mug in my hand, “And some food. I didn’t see you at dinner tonight and figured you might be working late.” I added gesturing to the plate I was balancing on my forearm. Lucifer blinked at me, seeming to contemplate his next action before he took a step back, a silent invitation to join him. 

I entered his room, taking a moment to truly appreciate it. The muted colors, the large perpetually-made bed, the twerking skeleton, the ornate but classical writing desk covered in important documents, the—

“Why the fuck do you have a twerking skeleton in your room?”

Lucifer closed his eyes and sighed loudly, before glaring at me.

“Hey, you invited me in. Don’t expect me not to comment,” I chuckled, patting his shoulder, before walking over to his desk, 

“Here is your coffee,” I said, setting the mug on a relatively empty section of the table.

“Use the coaster.” Lucifer grumbled as he walked up beside me, gently picking up pages until he found a ceramic disc and placed it under the cup. 

“And your sandwiches?” I asked, handing the plate to him so he could put it where he wanted. He picked up several sheets, and placed them into a stack before setting the food down in the newly cleared space.

“What, no coaster for that?” I joked. He gave me an icy look before sitting down on his chair and looking over his desk.

“Fine, fine,” I smiled before leaning against the wall, “And what about you?” I asked, “Where would you like me to put _you_ on the desk?” I felt my smile transform into a smirk as I added, “And would you prefer me to put a coaster under you or not?”

I watched Lucifer freeze as he reached for the mug. His eyes widened in shock for just a moment before he let his shoulders relax, and his face went back to silent indifference as he took a sip of his coffee. I watched his eyes close for a second before he turned to face me, cup perfectly balanced in his gloved fingers.

“What are you hoping to accomplish?” He asked, his tone cold and indifferent.

I frowned, I had hoped that our earlier interactions would have softened him up at least a little bit.

“You know, I really want to get an A in math.” I answered with an overdramatic sigh, “ And given my grades, that _really_ would be an accomplishment.”

Lucifer stared at me like he wanted nothing more than to pick me up by the scruff of my neck and throw me out of his room.

“I also would like to have a relationship with you. But unlike my math grade, only half of that is up to me.” I concluded, giving Lucifer a pointed look.

“Are you _trying_ to be insufferable?” He asked, setting his coffee on the table before leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“I don’t have to try. It comes pretty naturally to me.” I laughed before walking over to him,

“How’s the coffee?”

“It’s fine. Thank you.” He said robotically like he was operating more on polite habit than putting any real thought into his response. I sighed, this was going nowhere. 

“Well, I’m glad you like it,” I hummed reaching out and running my fingers through his hair. His eyes flashed in warning but I ignored him and continued, letting my fingers thread through the silky strands in slow even strokes. If he was going to lash out, I figured he would have done so already. Instead, he sat there perfectly still for a minute before his face slowly began to relax and I felt him begin to lean into my touch.

“How can I help?” I whispered, “Name it and I’m there. I promise.” 

Lucifer blinked, seeming to come back to the present at my words. He cocked his head to the side, and I pulled my hand away. 

“And if I asked you to leave?” He answered deadpan, his eyes unreadable. I hesitated,

“I… I would be disappointed but I would go.” I smiled solemnly, “I don’t want this to be a one-sided thing. So if you want me to go, I’ll go.” 

Lucifer seemed taken aback by my words, his brow furrowing as he adjusted his position in his chair and avoided my gaze. The silence of the room hung heavy for about a minute before I added,

“And if you don’t know what you want, that’s ok too,” I smiled reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. He glanced from my hand to my face, his eyes turbulent but focused. 

“That’s not my problem,” He replied simply, before swiftly grabbing my wrist and squeezing hard. I yelped in surprise as pain bloomed under his grip. I quickly tried to wrench my hand back but his grip wouldn’t budge. He stood slowly, eyeing me like a predator before jerking my arm towards the wall forcing me to stumble against it. I turned to look at him, a pit forming in my stomach. This wasn’t sexy or playful. It was powerful. Angry. Dangerous. A smoldering blaze, threatening to reach its flashpoint. And this time, there was no door between us. No hallway to run down. No window to escape from. I was playing with fire and had forgotten my one rule: always leave an exit.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before letting it slowly flow out of me. When I opened them again, they rose to meet Lucifer’s, all semblance of fear gone and replaced with a grim determination,

“You want to hurt me? Fine. You want to leverage your power against me to make me feel weak? Fine. But when you’re done hurting me to feel better about yourself, let me know. I would like to have an honest conversation with you.” I growled, before slamming my head forward, cracking our skulls together and sending us both sprawling to the floor. 

I sat up with a groan, holding my forehead and watching Lucifer do the same. It might not have hurt him as much as it did me, but it certainly startled him into letting go of my wrist. I looked down at it, turning my hand slowly. It appeared to have full range of motion so it probably wasn’t broken but, come morning, it would have a nasty bruise. 

I then fixed my gaze to Lucifer, a predatory, angry look of my own burning behind my eyes. I grabbed his collar and pushed him backwards, his back hitting the floor with an auditory thud. He moved his arm and stared up at me, a shocked expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but I moved my injured arm to cover it, forcing my palm over his lips and curling my fingers. I leaned forward, inches away from his face,

“You deserve every kindness,” I began, my tone firm and biting, “Every loving embrace and every sweet word. I wish you could fucking see that.” I sighed, shaking my head, as I leaned back and rose to my feet, “But I’m not going to stay here and let you hurt me. I don’t deserve that.” 

I took one final glance at Lucifer, still sprawled on the floor, before I began to walk to the door.

“I don’t… know what to do.” I heard him whisper, almost inaudible. I slowly turned to look at him, one hand on the knob. His legs were pulled under him and he stared a hole into where I had been a few seconds ago, his eyes downcast and… afraid? He looked shattered. Vulnerable. He was normally so meticulous. Every detail of every outcome planned and prepared for. Every action executed with precision and grace. But emotions were never his forte. Showing affection was never something he practiced. I watched him slowly turn his gaze to look at me, eyes wide and glassy,

“What should I do?” He asked in the most heartrending, broken tone. I almost ran over to him and hugged him, pulled him close and told him that whatever he did was fine, and good, and enough, and that I loved him even if he was scared. I let go of the door handle and was instantly reminded of why I couldn’t do that as a spark of pain shot through my wrist. I winced, flexing my fingers,

“I can’t answer that,” I replied, my tone more detached than I felt, “I need to think,” I paused debating with myself if I really wanted to turn the knife, “and quite frankly, so do you.” I finished calmly. I didn’t want to hurt him. It was killing me not to run over there and hold him. 

I sighed, loud and long, before I once again grasped the doorknob. This time forcing myself to not look back as I turned the handle and walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that happened.


	8. Can you come up with a reason why we should?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like when I’m writing, half the time I’m thinking, “No Charis stop.”  
> And the other half thinking, “Yes Charis do it!”  
> And, to be fair, I think that’s Luci’s impression of him as well.

The next day was uncomfortable and the day after that sucked too. The atmosphere had changed, and despite the fact that I was fairly certain neither Lucifer or I mentioned our fight to the brothers, they seemed to pick up on the tension between us.

It was two nights after our fight that I awoke to a knock at the door. I initially ignored it and tried to go back to sleep, but it continued more insistent. I groaned as I threw the blankets off myself and walked over. Opening it revealed Leviathan, shifting on his feet uncomfortably. 

“Hey,” he said giving me a half-smile, “Lucifer asked me to give this to you,” He said handing me an envelope. I took it, turning it over in my hand before glancing back at Levi.

“Lucifer looked like a wreck. What happened?” He asked, worry etched into his voice.

“We um… had an argument. It’s fine, we just need some time to sort things out.” I said forcing myself to smile.

“Oh, ok.” He mumbled before glancing around and making some excuse as to why he had to leave.

I stood in the doorway alone, flipping the envelope through my fingers as I contemplated my next course of action. Anticipation was killing me, so I went back inside to open the letter. 

It was simple. Only a few words of elegantly written script:

_I’m sorry._

_My door is open._

_Can we talk._

I noted the lack of a question mark with a wry smile before setting the letter on my bed and making my way back to Lucifer’s room. 

Perhaps I should have knocked, but quite frankly I was done with over-politeness. Instead, I firmly grasped the handle and yanked the door open, strolling inside with a defensive huff. 

I felt all my bravado drain away as I looked at the man before me. He _was_ a wreck. He sat on his bed, his eyes puffy and swollen with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. His hair was a mess and his collar was undone, hanging loosely over his shoulder. He finally turned to stare at me with a look so full of remorse it almost broke my heart,

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, his words echoing his letter. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. I was still wary but I doubted I needed to be.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, “Whatever you want to do to me...” he trailed off, his eyes flicking to the floor. I stood from the door and took a step towards him, unsure where he was going with this. 

“Hurt me,” he whispered, refusing to look at me.

“No,” I said, slowly shaking my head as I came to a stop in front of him,

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I smiled, reaching out to card my fingers in his hair. He flinched away at my touch so I let my hand drop, leaning down so I was at eye level with him.

“Just do it. I deserve it… I can take it.” He said, his eyes meeting mine. I shook my head, 

“You don’t deserve it,” I assured him, “And I’m sorry too. Headbutting you to the floor may have been a bit excessive.” 

“No!” 

I watched his hands rise to my shoulders before he pulled away, shaking his head, 

“No... I was out of line. I… how’s your wrist?” He asked with a concerned expression. I raised my arm to show him, turning my wrist in strange awkward angles,

“All good.”

He frowned, watching my erratic hand motions, 

“I am sorry,” He repeated, “I don’t want to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking and for a second I forgot you were a human and—“

“So you see me as your equal!” I laughed, rising from the floor and plopping down on the bed beside him.

“I never said that,” he replied his tone cold and serious.

“Uh-huh! You just admitted it so no takebacksies!” I giggled tapping his shoulder playfully. He shook his head, letting out a long drawn out sigh. But I could see a hint of a smile underneath,

“Fine.”

I snorted, smiling like an idiot as I watched this beautiful demon in front of me. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into a tight hug, ruffle his hair, and tell him he was adorable. But, it also occurred to me that now would probably be a good time to actually talk, heart to heart,

“Hey, um, I can be an insufferable ass and I’m kinda direct when I want something,” I paused, debating the best way to proceed, “So… if you want me to go about romancing you in a more subtle way, please let me know.”

Lucifer turned to stare at me, giving me a pointed look as he raised an eyebrow. I chuckled nervously,

“Uh… I mean, it kinda goes without saying that if you aren’t interested at all or I’m not your type…” I trailed off, I really wasn’t sure what I would do if he flat out rejected me. Probably hide in my room for a few days and ask Beel to bring me a fuckton of chocolate and icecream,

“Listen,” I said finally, “I like you. A lot. And I would like to get to know you better. And maybe help you out with some of your emotional constipation.”

His eyes flashed in annoyance and I raised my hands in mock surrender,

“Hey, you always said you appreciated my honesty,” I joked, “Don’t tell me you were lying.”

Lucifer shook his head slowly, staring off into space with his brow furrowed,

“I don’t know…” he sighed, his eyes burrowing into the wall, “I enjoy your company. But in terms of logistics... And the fact that you’re a human. And I don’t know if Diavolo would approve. And—“ 

He stopped as I grabbed his chin, gently turning his face to me, 

“There are hundreds of excuses I could come up with as to why we shouldn’t try. With your experience and knowledge you could probably come up with millions,” I paused, slowly pushing his hair out of his face, “But we are both very clever individuals. Can you come up with a reason why we should?”

I watched the gears turn in his head, his mind had to be racing, stripping the cogs bare as I watched an argument take place behind his eyes,

“I… I care about you,” He said finally, “I can’t find a counterargument for that…” he looked down, his face hollow and conflicted. I smiled, snaking my hand to the back of his neck as I brought my forehead to his own. After a moment I closed my eyes, feeling Lucifer’s arms curl around me with none of the hesitancy of several nights ago.

I couldn’t tell you how long we sat there just holding each other and sharing the space. It felt nice. Safe. 

“Can I?” I heard him ask, feeling one of his hands card through my hair. I blinked, my eyes fluttering open, only inches away from his deep maroon ones. I smiled, moving my hand up to mimic his gesture as I curled my fingers into his silky hair,

“I don’t know, can y—“

My quip was cut off in the best way possible. His lips pressed against my own, hesitant but firm, like he was scared of hurting me again. I smiled against him, feeling my heart ache in my chest. I didn't need him to be gentle with me, and I didn’t want to be gentle with him. I tightened my grip in his hair as I pulled back just enough to give his lower lip a quick bite. I felt him gasp against me and took the opportunity to lean forward, partially to bracket his legs and partially because I needed a better angle to mess up his perfectly kempt hair. I fluffed the back as I chuckled against his lips, watching the odd ebony strands fall every which way.

“Are you doing that on purpose?” He asked pulling back and swatting my hand away as he tried to smooth back his hair.

“What? I prefer the cracks in your perfectionism. They make you real, and beautiful.” I smiled, cupping his cheek in my palm, “And, I mean, there is a certain _crack_ that I would _love_ to see.” I said with a wink.

He paused, apparently confused for a second before he gave me the most intense ‘Shut the fuck up I am so done with your shit’ glare I had ever seen in my life. 

I burst out laughing. I didn’t care who heard me or if I ruined the moment. That was fucking hilarious. I held out my hand trying to speak as the laughter continued to wrack my body. I couldn’t stop and Lucifer just sat there looking at me like I just said the dumbest thing in the world. Which, frankly only made me laugh harder.

I was almost thankful when I heard a loud knock on the door. Because otherwise, I have no idea how long I would have kept going.

I instantly froze, and Lucifer’s face when from unamused to protective and on high alert. I leaned back as he got up from the bed and calmly walked to the door. He opened it slightly, revealing a mop of blonde hair,

“What is going on in there?“ Satan huffed as he crossed his arms, “I heard laughing and you never—“ he paused, his gaze going from Lucifer to me, and back to Lucifer. A knowing smirk spread across his face as he nodded before chuckling to himself as he turned on his heel and walked away. Lucifer closed the door and turned back to me, his eyes tired and he appeared a little unnerved.

“Are you worried they don’t approve?” I asked as I stood and walked over to him. 

“No,” he said, shaking his head, “it’s just a lot to take in.” 

“I get that,” I sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Did you want to get dinner tomorrow night at Ristorante Six?” 

He blinked, looking a little taken aback,

“Do you have a suit to wear?”

I thought for a second before it dawned on me and I subconsciously thanked Asmo for that forced shopping trip earlier,

“As a matter of fact, I do,” I replied with a smirk.

Karasu Chat: 👁 Operation Wingmen (5) 

[Satan]: We’re disbanding

_Operation Wingmen (5) has been disbanded._

[Leviathan]: What?! What happened.

_Message failed to send. This chat group no longer exists._

[Leviathan]: Talk to me! What’s going on?

_Message failed to send. This chat group no longer exists._

[Leviathan]: Wait... is this a good thing?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in updating. I decided on doing a double chapter update because I hate prolonged angst in my comedy fics. And if I'm gonna subject you to that, I want to have some nice hurt/comfort ready directly after. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me and this fic, I really appreciate all your support and feedback! I always love reading your comments and hearing you guys’ opinions.  
> Let me know what you think of these two chapters, they certainly were a turn from what I was initially planning.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. This chapter will be smut and explicit. If you’re here for the resident dumbass making a fool out of himself… well I guess that’s in this chapter too, but it's mostly explicit sex **(note the rating change).**  
>  I am very very sorry for the long wait. Charis requires me to be in a particular headspace to write, and smut is not something that comes easy to me. So it took me a bit of time to get this thing done. That having been said, enjoy ;)

“You are so beautiful,” I whispered cupping Lucifer’s cheek as I gently pushed him into his room. Dinner had been fantastic and the company was even better. I was right to guess that he would enjoy a formal meal at Ristorante Six. Now I was hoping he would be up for a more… informal meal.

“Flattery will get you nowhere Charis,” He huffed, pretending to be frustrated with me as I fumbled with his tie,

“It got me this far,” I joked as I finally got the damn thing undone and proceeded to hurl the offending article across the room. Lucifer watched it fly before turning to glare at me as he worked my shirt off, a complaint at the tip of his tongue before I cut him off.

“You know what?” I asked, grabbing Lucifer’s shirt and pulling it over his head, “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” I smiled, genuine and unabashed, as I leaned up and kissed him hard. He responded in kind, pressing himself against me as we continued to undress each other.

My eyes rake over his smooth but toned skin, finally laid bare after months of fantasizing. I surged forward, unable to help myself, my mouth connecting with his neck as I felt him reach down to grasp my hips. I bit and sucked hard enough to leave a nice mark on any human. Though, given that demon biology was different from my own, I did wonder if it would be there in the morning. Oh well, that would just mean more opportunities to paint the canvas of his neck with my teeth.

Fingers traced my scalp before tangling in my hair, digging in firm and deep, pulling my head back.

“Didn’t you eat already?” Lucifer teased, slowly swiping my lips with his thumb.

“Maybe I want dessert,” I replied, my voice low and sultry.

“Don’t be cliche.” He huffed, staring down at me with an expression of thinly veiled desire.

“Hey, at least I didn’t ask you if it hurt when you fell from heaven.” I paused, “Luci… did it hurt w—“

I was cut off as my back slammed into the wall, knocking the breath out of my as Lucifer attacked my collarbone with his tongue and teeth. I laughed to myself but that turned into a moan when he bit down, hard on the juncture of my shoulder and neck,

“Fuck…” I breathed, snaking my hands down to grope his backside. Why did he have to be wearing pants? I dug my nails into the offending fabric willing my blunt nails to tear them apart, “Lose the pants… Now.” I growled, feeling a spike of arousal shoot through my gut. His hands were on my fly in a flash, working to divest me of my remaining clothing as I struggled with his own slacks.

Finally, we both stood there in our underwear, eyes locked, hungry, feral, our bites and claw marks red and puffy on each other's skin. We both gave as good as we got… and that could be a problem moving forward. I hesitated, taking a step back and trying to steady my breathing.

“We should figure out the logistics of this,” I commented, trailing my fingers down his chest.

“What do you mean?” He asked, cocking his head to the side and pulling back slightly. I sighed, I was really not in the mood for him playing coy,

“Hmm, oh, I don’t know!” I replied dramatically, “Train schedules?” I suggested, flicking out my arm, “Akuzon packaging and transportation?” I added flicking out my other arm to mirror the first. I paused, leaning forward, 

“How we are gonna fuck?”

Lucifer blinked, seeming to be taken aback, but quickly crossed his arms,

“Do you have to be so vulgar?” He asked, spitting out the last word like it was poison.

“Do _you_ have to be so prude?”

“Prude?” His eyes flashed, sadistic and powerful as a wicked grin began to spread across his face. 

“You think I’m prude?” He purred, stepping forward and teasingly dragging his crimson nails down my chest. I shivered at the contact, leaning into his touch but I… No. I knew him well enough, and I knew what I wanted.

“No,” I purred, letting my hands rise to his waist, “I don't think you’re a prude at all. If you want to rut against each other like animals—” I paused to do just that, grinding our hips together and pulling a sharp gasp from both our lips,

“—unthinking, drowning in pleasure… I can do that,” I continued, his nails digging crescents into my skin and raking down at a wonderfully searing pace. I let out a shaky breath, trying to keep my composure at the onslaught. I glanced at his face, locking eyes with blood-red ruby, now cloudy with lust, desire, and… fear? I hesitated. Lucifer must have noticed the concern in my gaze because he dropped his hands, crossing them over his chest defensively, as he looked anywhere but my face. 

“Babe?” I whispered, gingerly raising my hand to cup his cheek, “I love you. All of you,” I promised, trailing my hand down his arm, “You can wear your mask everywhere else. But with me, I want you to be honest. Please.” I whispered intertwining our fingers and squeezing gently, “I want you to trust me enough for that.” 

He still couldn’t meet my eyes.

“You don't have to believe me now,” I said pulling our foreheads together, “I want to take care of you, however I can,” I breathed, feeling his exhale warm on my cheeks, “Let me prove it to you, over and over again.”

“I’m not weak…” He muttered under his breath.

“No, you’re not,” I agreed, leaning forward to bring our lips together in a chaste kiss, “but I would love you even if you were.” 

I pulled back, watching his features for any sign of discomfort. At Least he could look at me now.

“Lay down,” I told him, causing him to raise an eyebrow. I chuckled, shaking my head lightly, “I want to give you a massage,” I clarified, lowering my hand to his sternum and lightly pushing him toward to bed with the tips of my fingers,

“You work so hard and you deserve to be pampered. Please let me?” 

Lucifer huffed in mock annoyance but didn't put up any real fight as he climbed onto the bed, sitting down and staring at me expectantly.

“Can you lie on your stomach?” I asked, gently stroking my hand over his shoulder, “I want to work on your upper back first.” Lucifer grumbled something about playing coy but followed my instructions without much complaint. 

_Such a good boy…_

I almost caught myself almost saying as I stared down at the body splayed out before me. All for me. Everything. I wanted to touch every part of him, rake my nails down his back and relish the hiss I would draw from his malicious lips. Kiss every bump of his spine, suck a hundred bruises into the tender skin of his neck. I sighed audibly, absentmindedly palming myself through my underwear. But that could wait. This was about him.

I straddled the back of his thighs, letting my fingers dance lightly over his neck before tracing downwards and pressing into the divet between his spine and shoulder blade. His muscles tensed under my touch, sending an involuntary jolt through his entire body.

“So beautiful…” I murmured to myself, loud enough for him to hear me, “So perfect.” A shudder ran down his back at my words and I made a mental note regarding a probable praise kink.

The massage continued as I worked my way down his back, stopping at every knot and trying to ease some of the tension from his back. I wasn’t the best masseuse by far, but what I lacked in experience I tried to make up for in enthusiasm. And he seemed to enjoy himself, if his contented sighs were anything to go by. So I took that as an indication I was doing well. 

“You're so strong,” I whispered as my fingers trailed along his arms, testing my theory and being delighted when I was met with a quiet hitch of breath.

Finally, I let my fingers press into the dimples of his hips, slowly letting my hands slide down until my thumbs hooked on the waistband of his underwear. The sharp inhale that accompanied my action split the quiet of the room. His back tensed under me and watched his shoulders twitch uncomfortably. I frowned, I leaning forward, and brushing his hair from his neck before kissing it slowly, 

“Are you ok?” I asked, reaching my hand up to tangle our fingers together. He turned his head to look at me, a light rouge dusting his cheeks,

“Enough,” He growled, “you’re being too gentle.”

I smiled, then kissed his cheek. Then his temple. Then his forehead, before leaning back to stare down at a very flustered but also sexually frustrated demon. 

“Whatever could you possibly mean my dear?” I laughed, letting my free hand ghost down his back.

“Are you teasing me?”

“No,” I teased, “Now can I take your underwear off?” 

He stared at me for a few moments, clearly debating with himself if it would be better to kick me out of his room or let me have my way.

“I’m not going to do it until you tell me it’s alright.” 

“You just want to hear me say it,” He huffed, squeezing my hand in a brushing grip.

“Uh, yea,” I replied giving him a pointed look. He glared at me, but let the pressure on my fingers lighten up, 

“Yes…” he mumbled.

“Sorry I didn’t quite catch—“

My quip was cut off by an elbow to the ribs,

“Ok. Ok. Calm down. Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” I glanced down at his boxers, “You know, you would look really good in panties.“

“Charis!” He growled loud and long. If I had looked up, I was sure I would have seen glowing eyes and the outline of horns framing his face. 

Instead, I let my hands smooth down his spine, feeling each dimple and ridge as I made my way lower. When I arrived at his underwear I hooked my fingers under the band and pulled them slowly downwards and off his legs. My eyes raked across the newly exposed flesh until I caught sight of two glowing eyes in my peripheral vision. He was on his forearms, torso turned toward me and head cocked to the side, daring me to speak. Daring me to open up my big dumb mouth and seal my fate. Just daring me to say something, anything incriminating. I smiled, giving him a look that I hope conveyed all my love and adoration before crawling over him and kissed him, slowly, gently, with power and emotion and love. I couldn’t string together the words to describe how much I cared for him in that moment. I hoped my actions would suffice.

I pulled back, trying to catch my breath as I watched his eyes dull and his pupils dilate. Good, that’s a start. I turned my attention to his neck, licking a stripe up from his shoulder blade to just below his hairline. 

“That’s not a massage…” he mumbled, turning his face into the sheets. 

“It’s a special brand of massage. I hear it’s all the rage in the human world.”

“You’re making that up,” he grumbled, before I licked right behind his ear, causing him to twitch under me. He breathed in like he was going to say something but I grabbed his chin and pulled his face toward my own. I watched his eyes slip close and his lips open, clearly he expecting another kiss. What he wasn’t expecting was for me to lick his face from jaw to temple. 

He sputtered away from me, eyes wide in shock. An involuntary smirk spread over my lips as I leaned back on my haunches, hovering over his thighs.

“Did you seriously just lick my cheek?”

“Of course,” I said looking down at the globes of his butt, “and I promise you I have no intention of licking any other cheek.”

Lucifer paused the process of wiping saliva off his face and turned to look at me with an expression of a mixture of wariness, indignation, and lust.

I winked at him before I leaned down and bit his right asscheek. Hard. It wasn’t a gentle bite, but it also wouldn’t bleed. Probably. 

Lucifer’s reaction was immediate. A loud noise I can only describe as a whine filled the room as his hips thrust forward, partially to get away from my teeth and partially to get some friction.

“Charis! What the fuck that is going to chafe!” He howled as he leaned back clearly intending to give me some sort of fitting punishment. On instinct, I grabbed a fistful of his silky hair and yanked his head back, letting my other hand trail down his chest. 

“Keep talking shit and I’ll give you one between your thighs that will really chafe,” I purred into his neck. 

At those words, we both froze. I’m not sure which one of us was more taken aback by my comment. Though, as usual, Lucifer recovered more quickly than I did,

“My my Charis, I didn’t think you had it in you.” He breathed as he dug his nails into my flank in retaliation.

“I-I… fuck you,” I replied elegantly, without any hesitation or stammering in my voice. Lucifer chuckled lightly at my response,

“Yes. I think that is what you are planning to do.” Lucifer paused to look at me, a teasing flicker in his eyes, “However, you may want to work on the… tactfulness of your word choice.”

I shook my head before tilting his chin around to kiss him. I may not be the cleverest person in the world but I figured kissing him would at least temporarily shut him up,

“I think I’ve just spent too much time around you,” I whispered against his parted lips, “your charm is starting to rub off on me.” 

“Good,” he replied as he turned around, now chest to chest with me and taking the opportunity to pull our hips flush together, “then maybe you will stop being so insufferable.” He finished with a nip to my lower lip. I groaned partially at the pain and partially at the fact that I still had my underwear on. I proceeded to fix the latter, slipping out of the garment and throwing it across the room. The sensation was instantaneous as I felt our cocks slide together for the first time, “Fuck… you’re perfect. Brilliant. Amazing.” 

One of his hands went to the scruff of my neck, pulling my head down to meet him in a rough kiss that effectively cut off my blabbering. I tangled a hand in his hair as I let the other snake down between our bodies to stroke us together. 

I bucked my hips into my fist, drawing a hiss from the demon under me. His hand followed mine, spreading precum over our shafts to ease the way as I listened to the little gasps that escaped his parted lips.

You know those epiphany moments where you realize that shit just got very real? Well there I was, rutting against Lucifer, a demon, a fallen angel, a villain of literally biblical proportions... and I was laying on top of him stroking our cocks together like it was my purpose in life. 

Before I could ponder what poor life choices brought me to this situation, I felt myself captured in his stare. 

It was those eyes that pulled me back. That stunning red, as sure and strong as the crimson that pumped through my veins. 

“Beautiful… Perfect. Honest. True. Stunning. I could wrack my brain for months trying to find the right words to describe you,” I swore as I began to twist my wrist, pulling a strangled cry from my lover. We were both close, I could feel it. The little hitches of his breath, and the tensing of his thighs told me all I needed to know. I quickened my pace, watching his pleasure build to a crescendo as blood-colored nails dug into my back. The look on his face when he came was a sight to behold, pupils blown wide and mouth slightly agape as he painted his stomach with his cum. I followed moments later, swearing into his shoulder as I stroked us through our orgasms. 

We laid there for a few moments, just sharing the space and catching our breaths. I placed a lazy, blissed-out kiss on his lips before leaning up on my elbows and staring down at the mess we made,

“Let me clean you up,” I mumbled, more of an observation than a question. Lucifer grumbled as I pulled away and rolled off the bed, initially heading to the bathroom to get a washcloth, but settling for my undershirt, which was much closer. I wiped the cloth over his chest before slinging the garment back onto the floor and collapsing at Lucifer’s side. The bed dipped beside me as he turned towards me, letting his arm draped over me,

“I guess you don’t mind if I stay then, Luci.”

One of his eyes cracked open to glare at me,

“Why do you insist on calling me Luci?” He asked, more accusatory than curious.

“Why did you let Karasu autocorrect my name to ‘chairs’ for a month?”

“I thought it was funny…” he muttered into my chest, sleep clearly beginning to take him.

His peaceful look almost made me feel bad about my next comment. Almost.

“I know you don’t mind if I stay the night… but does your twerking skeleton mind?” I laughed to myself as I turned to look at the morbid sculpture. I froze, the breath catching in my throat as I processed the sight, before bursting into hysterical laughter. Lucifer groaned something about me being a dumbass before he followed my gaze. The aforementioned skeleton gained a new feature, namely the lime-green briefs now hanging from its skull.

“Get out.”

“But I-“

“Now Charis, get out!” He growled as he pushed me out of bed, still laughing my ass off. I crawled to my feet and stumbled my way to the door, grabbing the handle before remembering my currently unclothed condition. I paused, taking a few deep breaths to calm down before standing up straight and fixing a smirk to my face. I turned to look at the demon before me, eyes challenging and mischievous, 

“I have a better idea. Why don’t I show you, why you should let me stay?”

Karasu Chat: House of Lamentation (8) 

[Satan]: So Lucifer, how was your date last night?

[Asmodeus]: The devil may have gone down to Georgia. But Lucifer went down on Charis.

_Asmodeus has been removed from the group chat._

[Charis]: Why did you boot him, he’s right?

_Charis has been removed from the group chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, ok it's over. I'm almost sad, it's certainly been a trip. This was supposed to be a couple of short, stupid interactions, and then be done. Somehow it ended up being my longest fic.  
> I really appreciate all of your comments and encouragement as I wrote this. I cannot express enough how much they helped motivate me to continue and finish this story. From the bottom of my heart,  
> Thank you.


End file.
